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DEVIANT <3 by weevildoing

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im so gross and disgusting for wanting to be abused again. i know i should have moved on, became a better person, but all i've been wanting is to be taken violently and never move on from it... i want my abuser to come back and love me like he did again. i want him to hurt me so i know he cares about me. i want to get stockholm syndrome or somehting. its horrible and disgusting and theres something so wrong with me for wanting it. watching rape porn isnt enough, i want to experience it and feel it. i want to be screaming as someone hurts me violently. i want to be hurt beyond fixing, so that he'll have to care about me... i feel horrible, i feel fucking sick about these feelings but i dont know how to stop them. i think im just gonna keep going back to baiting dangerous men online and hope i dont get kidnapped or get murdered, although im sure my corpse would get some men off... maybe i should just kill myself if thats the case, so that theres always someone who would want to love me in that way

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